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What Next..Don't ask! It was the beginning of January off 2003 and my Mom who lives alone had called me to come over, she was not feeling well. I went to her house to find her standing in her bathroom with a high fever, she was shaking from the chills so bad, she couldn't make it to the bed. I got her into bed, took her temp and gave her tyenol. I stayed with her that night and fixed her breakfast in the morning. She told me she couldn't see very good out of her one eye. I told her we needed to go to the emergency room as the fever was a sign of something wrong. She told me she just wanted to go back to bed. I got her to the ER and the nurse asked her to cover her good eye and read the eye chart. Mom replied, ok, just tell me where it is. I didn't realize that when she said she couldn't see, she really meant she couldn't see. She was admitted to the ICU and was there for 3 weeks. During that time, she lost the sight in her other eye. Her blood work was coming back all messed up, so they did a CT scan on her to find she had non-small-cell lung cancer, stage 4 as it had already hit the lymph nodes. One doctor said she had 1 to 3 months to live, another doctor said 3 to 6. I wanted her to come and stay with me as she could no longer be left alone. She just wanted to go home. I thought well, she doesn’t have much time and since she can't see, she knows her own home better than mine so I would go and stay with her. I spent the weekdays with her, day and night and my sister came on the weekends. I have a family and 2 of my 3 kids still living at home. I felt like I just deserted them to care for my mother. I kept telling myself, it shouldn't be long now. She did get sick off and on and she became very dependant on me. I did everything for her along with the help of a Hospice aid she had for 2 hours a day. In October which was the 6 month mark, I had gotten very tired. I felt like I just needed a break and needed to be home at my own home for a while. No one would give me a break, so I had to just keep plugging away at it. I wondered when it was all going to end. I felt very guilty thinking that, she was my Mother, I loved her and didn't want to lose her, but I didn’t want to desert my family either, they still needed me. In October, I went to the doctor to find out why I was so tired all the time. They did blood work and admitted me to the hospital immediately. My blood levels were all very low, the next thing I knew I was having a blood transfusion, then a bone marrow biopsy. They discovered I had what is known as Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS). This is a pre-leukemia condition. I needed to have chemo and a bone marrow transplant. I had to go to the major city in the state where I live as my local hospital didn't do these procedures. I spent 5 weeks in the hospital having my induction chemo, lost my hair, was sick with fevers and just wanted to be home. I was allowed to go home the week before Christmas. I just finished my 2nd round of chemo, the side effects were not so severe this time, but in a month I will be going back for a bone marrow transplant. My Mom is still alive and spends some time alone as it is difficult to get people to stay with her. I can't go out of my house yet as my blood counts are still very low and my immune system is compromised. The only place I can go it to the local Onocologist every other day to get my blood checked. I sure hope I am as strong willed as my Mom and can get through the transplant. Then, I should be cured. Once I am out of the woods, I am going to make my mother move in with me and my family so we can all enjoy each other. I thank God for the support I am getting from my family and friends and especially for the person who was so kind to donate their bone marrow so I can live. I know God is watching over all of us and I will walk in his path. |
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